The Onion Archives - News In Briefs: "VOLUME 31 ISSUE 16 � 29 APRIL 1997 �nited St�tes Toughens Image With Umlauts WASHINGTON, DC�In a move designed to make the United States seem more 'bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner,' Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the �nited St�tes of �merica. 'Much like M�tley Cr�e and Mot�rhead, the �nited St�tes is not to be messed with,' said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the �merican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled 'Howl Of The She-Demon.'"